3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
