just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have aggressive nipples.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
