$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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