I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
