you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
