He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
