he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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