there's paper in my vomit.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
