i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
