The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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