I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
