I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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