About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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