apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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