Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
