so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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