Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
