It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
