at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
