oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
