So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
