i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
