We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
