Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
