need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
tell me about the fingering
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