My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
