i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
