Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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