im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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