So drunk its hurt
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
