I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
