I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
