Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
