i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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