Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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