you would pick up someone in the library
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
