my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
