dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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