do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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