He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
