My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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