WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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