i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
