I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
