I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
