Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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