dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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