tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
