Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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