Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
