dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
